Chaunte Mills, Strong & Free
UNPLUGGED: Tell us about your new book coming out.
Chaunte: My new book is called “Wicked and Urban Memoir of Trauma, Lust, and Triumphed by Healing Through The Holy Spirit” I set out to go through a healing process myself. On that journey of my healing process, I started writing about what people had done to me. By the end of writing this book, I realized how much harm I had caused for other people. It was not about seeing the wickedness in others. It was about seeing the wickedness in myself. My book prompts people to look at their inner man, and find what you can do that is good. How to go through healing from trauma, whether it be suicidal thoughts, or whatever your case may be. It is a Memoir. So check me out!
UNPLUGGED: When you wrote your story you discovered what you were doing to other people. What were things you discovered that as a result of being abused, that you were doing to other people?
Chaunte: I was somewhat manipulating other people. When my boyfriend broke up with me early on in our
relationship, I ended up talking to my ex for a couple of weeks. I wrote details about this in the book but I sent pictures of my lingerie to somebody else. Maybe a week or two later. He called me back after I had not heard from him in three months. I sent him the same pictures I sent to my Ex. It was vile you know? I did crazy stuff. Just give grace to other people because we know that we can be vile.
UNPLUGGED: Awesome! How have people responded to your book so far?
Chaunte: It hasn't been released just yet. According to the editors, one had to recuse herself because the story was so graphically depicted in words. It reminded her of her own story, and triggered her in so many different ways. I know people will be able to put themselves directly in my shoes and their own situations by reading this book. By the end of the book, I hope they will have their own healing and see how that is envisioned in daily life.
UNPLUGGED: Do you hope this book will start conversations among women that have been abused? Do you hope that individuals find their own path? What is your hope for people that get the book and groups that read it?
Chaunte: For domestic survivors, I hope they are able to envision their healing. I hope the people around them will be able to see what they do does impact them. Have an exit strategy, an emergency plan, a contingency plan. Allow time and patience. There is a cycle of violence that people go back to their abusers over and over and over again. Family and friends get frustrated with the process. They get frustrated with you going back to that person. They sometimes say “ there is no purpose in me helping you because you are going to keep going back to your abusers.” I encourage you to not let that person feel isolated and alone. I hope in reading this book, you will get a better interpretation of what domestic violence means. As well as what it means for teenagers who struggle with suicidal thoughts. I show different signs of what they may be going through. Things that may not have been looked at as potential of having suicidal thoughts.
UNPLUGGED: What would be your advice to men who are involved with women who have an abused past?
Chaunte: For people who have significant others who have been previously abused. Allow time and patience. Each person has their own healing process. Some people may have gone through abuse or domestic violence or childhood abuse and trauma. They may not have been hugged or have been affectionate during that time. It causes them not to be affectionate with their significant other. Then there's the whole opposite spectrum that are overly passionate or affectionate because of that abuse. Allow them
to talk to you about that. Ask them “hey, what is this about?” and have that open conversation with them. A lot of them may feel attacked, because those tramas carry on into the next relationship. Regardless if that person wants it too. Most people are not carrying their trauma over intentionally to their next relationships. I recommend being fully healed from that relationship before engaging with someone. Go through that healing process. See a therapist. Involve your community. Go to church and get the word. Focus on healing.
UNPLUGGED: How does someone who is involved with an individual who has an abused past, distinguish signs they should stay with that person?
Chaunte: If they become toxic for you. You see yourself changing or trying to adapt to their “normal”. When you feel like you are in a toxic relationship. At that point where you cant function or move without feeling like you did something wrong. It is time to part ways with that relationship. Sometimes people can't see past their traumas. I was that way for a long time. I was so used to functioning in trauma that I could not function without trauma. I would create traumas around myself just to be able to function in it. If I have an exam coming up. I would wait till the last minute to be shaking and anxious to perform. Instead of taking the time I had to do it. Some people only function in trauma. You have to be able to help them realize that, or remove yourself from that. If they are not seeing it themselves.
UNPLUGGED: How was it doing a photoshoot and interview with “Unplugged Magazine”?
Chaunte: Awesome! You should subscribe to any and everything Mr. Phillip Bufford has. I'm not playing. It's so dope. Even just doing this interview is amazing. He had a vision for the photo shoot preplanned. Work
with him. He's dope.
UNPLUGGED: How can people get in touch with you? What are your social media handles?
Chaunte: My social media is @wickedurbanmemoir on instagram or facebook. We also have a Wix site. If you google “Wicked Urban Memoir Wix” The website will pull right up. You can follow my blog that pairs well with my book. Without giving away my book.
Article written by: Caitlin Johnson.
Interview by: Phillip Bufford, Owner of UNPLUGGED Magazine