Beated, Cheated, and She Stayed?

“But he loves me, he’s good to me! We have kids!”

Have you heard any of this before?

If you haven’t been through it, it’s easy to say “GIRL, LEAVE HIM”!

Let me tell you, all women aren’t as strong as you! The reasons a woman stays in a situation that belittles her or hurts her could and will vary.

Fear. Perception. Conviction. Survival. The list goes on!

Could she be young and naïve? Yes! Could she be addicted to the sex and how her mind is blown away every time daddy does what he does? Hell Yes!

You know how it goes.

He apologizes. Then he proceeds to do what he does very well. He makes her scream. In fact, he is the only one who can. He knows she hooked! And he knows he’s forgiven.

Then the cycle repeats.

The beatdown. So she hides it. The infidelity. So she makes excuses. The record is on repeat. The pain from the abuse and affairs (the ones she knows about) has her sinking into an abyss of depression.

The embarrassment is only too surreal to really share the truth with a friend. A friend. A friend? What is that? If she can’t trust her man to have her best interests in mind, can she really believe her friends don’t have an angle too? Infidelity breeds mistrust. Can anyone be trusted? Does everyone have an agenda?

It’s mental. It’s mind control. AND IT’S REAL!

An escape is an escape wherever she can find it.

Alcohol. Cocaine. Heroine. Crack.

She keeps using it as an escape. Soon it calls out to her like he did. She hears it whisper her name. She knows it’s not good for her. Neither was he. But her mind, body and soul craves that sense of satisfaction like only it can give. Or is it how he can give?

Trading one prison for another.

It’s confusing but familiar.

He controlled her. Now it controls her. He made her feel good. Now it makes her feel good. She knew he was hurting her but she forgave him. Now she knows it’s killing her and she forgives again.

Rock bottom. No lover. No escape. No identity. Nothing to numb. Just pain. Emotional nightmares. Mental agony. Physical withdrawal.

Do you still want to scream “Girl, leave his ass”? Didn’t think so. This is where the strength of your sisterhood must be stronger than the volume of your voice!

You become part of her DTP, Drug Treatment Program and assist her with EAP an Escape Action Plan.

You see…

You can always pray, advise or encourage her but until she is beat up enough to listen to a whisper, screaming only waste your time.

So strong women before you say..


Calm your strong ass down and understand that the strength of your personhood is not in the volume of your voice but the actions motivated by your heart.

Besides, how many times did God have to keep you from falling into your own personal prison.

You know I’m right so just nod your head girl and turn the page.

#TanelaBivens #UnpluggedMagazine

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